Archives for posts with tag: journal

Sun shines down; I soak in every ray–a much needed energy boost before going back to work. The breeze is refreshing, but now it’s time for shade! Just needed a short visit to the page to find my center.

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I’ve been doing a bit of baking these past few weeks. I get the inspiration every now and then. The funny thing is, I don’t necessarily love sweets or do I? I tend toward salty foods, but now that I think about it, I occasionally enjoy a chocolate croissant from Starbucks along with my latte, as I am now as I tap away.

It’s soothing to sit in a cafe, looking out the window at the trees swaying in the wind, casting shadows on the pavement, people walking in and out to get their morning treat. There’s something calming, too, in the way the cafe hums, the crunch of plastic food wrappers, clinking canisters, beeping timers, the swoosh of steam, customer voices, Billy Holiday singing in the background.

So, a couple weeks ago, for some reason I wanted to make donuts, but not fried. I remember…it was an episode of a baking completion on Food Network and every baker had to make donuts and incorporate a certain flavor. Anyway, I found myself wanting to cook donuts too. I started searching Google looking for baked donut recipes to see how they sounded and if it was possible.

It’s great being able to experience things like a child–for the first time; and that’s how it was for donuts and me.

I tried a simple recipe that I found. I tracked down donut pans, which surprisingly, to me, were not that difficult to find. I decided that because there was already enough sugar in the recipe, I would pass on the glaze.

The photo here is of my second batch of donuts. The first time, I only made a half dozen plain. The second time, I made a full dozen. I had also been craving a pineapple upside down cake (I didn’t use Marciano cherries; they would have looked cute), and hubby was craving donuts again, so I searched for another baked recipe and was in luck. I decided to split the dozen and left four plain and sprinkled four with cinnamon and sugar. I must say these little cake donuts are (were) delicious.

The first recipe I used for the first batch look really pretty with the glaze as shown in the baker’s post.

https://aseasyasapplepie.com/vanilla-glazed-baked-donuts/

https://www.mrshappyhomemaker.com/pineapple-upside-down-cake-donuts/print/

My next baking project is to make homemade focaccia bread. There is a local restaurant that has the best, and that’s what I’m hoping to replicate. I think I’ve settled on a recipe that seems straight forward.

Depending on which route I take to work, I am either constantly trying to see the wondrous clouds illuminated with sunlight through the rear window mirror or I’m looking over my shoulder, taking peeks as I drive by on the open road.

This day in particular, something in the quality of the light and the soft tones made me see–made me feel that this was God. I could see the large flat brush in his hands as he streaked it across the backdrop of blue light that he first laid down, and because this was God’s brush, it looked alive, the light danced behind that long line of cloud, luminescent; so simple, yet so profound, causing a movement in my soul. I wanted to capture it, but in a way it’s best I couldn’t. I could only surrender to the moment, soak in every bit of it before it disappeared.

I’m giving myself 30 minutes. 30 minutes to step away, to put an envelope in the mail so that it’s on time. 30 minutes to give hubby the space he needs. I don’t think it’s space that he needs–something that I cannot give him–it’s been 6-months now since my father-in-law had a major stroke. It’s been a difficult time, especially for my husband. We all take it day by day. Progress has been made, but nothing will ever be the same.

Dear journal, dear blank page: I need to mark the time, I can’t leave you out. Today we all went for a doctor’s visit and by the time we got home, hubby’s mood was depleted. It’s a combination of not just the obvious, but other subtleties, little jabs that occur. There was nothing I could do for him in that space and I was losing control, so I took the opportunity to take 30, to leave before I blew up. It’s been like that. Ups and downs. Somehow we manage to have more ups. It’s hard when you can’t help the ones that you love. Of course there are days I can break through to him when he’s in that space, but days like today, I have to wait it out until he’s ready.

The night before it happened my father-in-law and I were having dinner together. He’s a talker, likes to tell stories. He can’t do that anymore. we have to figure out what he is saying, asking, telling. We learn to use more gestures and visual cues. He remembers things and surprises us, he seems more observant, his mind is sharp in different ways now. He still has his sense of humor, but of course he has bad days too. He can’t fully use his right side.

It’s mind boggling how things can change so fast. Even knowing and having been, you just cant prepeare. Sometimes you dont even have the means to be prepared.

5 minutes left. I feel done. it’s enough. I’m a ready to move on because there are more blank pages waiting to be filled up.

There will be light. Lemon trees, I will squeeze your fruit and make the days better, sweeter.

With hot chocolate in hand, I start the engine, gaze at the thick fog before me. Audio book streams in the background as my attention follows a group of seagulls circling above. At that moment, I’m taken to the ocean. One seagull continues to circle and I can see the grace and strength of his wings as the audio book becomes mere sound, my attention elsewhere, following the joy of the seagull in flight. I reach for my phone; the seagull makes one last pass, then departs, leaving me with a feeling of fullness and appreciation for the moment.

Holiday music fills the kitchen;
doggies snuggle in their beds,
waiting for all to rise.

We try to take each day as it comes,
living each moment as best we can,
seeking the lessons—
the ‘gifts’ within the challenges presented.

In this moment…the air releases a fine mist,
wrapping me in a coolness that comforts.

Back inside, I sit here with my mother-in-law as she works her crossword, her TV show in the background. I look at the words on the page, watching the thoughts dribble out as I tap the letters on the screen.

Peace and Love to all, and may you have a Merry Christmas.

Lone crow
sitting high atop the lamp post—
peers out, into the fog

As I walk quickly, the leaves go by so fast—

They become a pile of golden stars, and the others form a path, leading the way to something—

warmth with the golden glow as it bounces from the sun’s rays.

Pink petals

Strewn like Spring—

On this brisk winter day,

Azaleas tease for warmer days to come.

A little bit lost in the fog one day–
ray of light, clouds spread out like angel wings,
deep breath, thankful for feeling the breath inside my being.