I finally wrote in my journal yesterday for the first time in a long while. I’ve been wanting to mark a few events, so that I can come back and remember. The thoughts feel quick in my mind—as though a quick sketch with words.

July. It’s been a year since my Uncle’s passing; it’s been a year since I decided to apply for a County job. I would not have been able to do it without the support of my old boss because it wouldn’t have been possible to even go through the process without having a job. Everything takes so much time. I remember almost not applying because I doubted myself, but then I thought that I had nothing to lose. I would then be surprised a month later when I received the invitation to move onto the next step of taking the test; after which, more time, another call, an interview, and the offer. I was elated. It took roughly three months to go through the whole process. July also marks the ending of my 9-month probationary period; next Monday, I should be declared a permanent employee. I like my job, I really do, but…

I like to look at the County job board because I’m curious and because—I don’t know. Well, I’ve seen library jobs, but those that I’ve seen require a bachelor’s degree, which I do not possess. Over the weekend, I saw another library job that was an entry level position, but I don’t have the required experience. I have the customer service experience, just not in a library setting, which they want. I have the love of books. I am tempted to apply without the 100% requirements. Would I be able to state my case, my love of books, libraries, learning…I don’t know. Is it worth it? Nothing to lose. I won’t know unless I try. Why do I keep looking?

It’s strange to be moving along, content, I like the work—mostly; the customer service aspect is my favorite part. It’s been a reality check in the sense that I’ve been working a part-time schedule for the past ten years—somehow it worked. My migraines made me nervous, not knowing if I could work an eight hour schedule again. Now I’ve been introduced to a 9/80 schedule, which means you work 44 hours one week, then 36 hours the next. All 9 hour days, except for every other Monday off, and 8 hours the alternating Monday. I must say my body has had to adjust—that extra hour is felt; however, having an extra day off is a nice perk.

July also marks my birthday month.

I have some thinking to do or maybe I’m just making things more complicated than they need to be. If I apply for this position, I’ll treat it the same way. Apply, then leave it to chance—to the Universe. Knowing that, what is meant to be, will be.